Confessions of an Egoholic

 by Robert Cinque

 

From shock and fear, I dramatize betrayal, abandonment, and worthlessness

I collapse from love and create suffering through self pity and blame

I blame others and transfer ownership of myself to them.

I create scapegoats and false gods in my rage.

I destroy Love and betray it and accuse others of betraying me

I create doubt and fear.  When I fear I want security.  When I want security, I empower false gods, tyrants, experts, strategies, and substances to save me.

I am a fundamentalist, a fascist, and a tyrant in an ego cult of one.

I enslave others in my hellish condition of dread

I abuse others with my self pity

I dramatize abandonment and rejection and self pity and fuel all my other lesser addictions with it.

I harm myself and others with my addiction to a false self, an idea, a victim/robot who imagines itself to be separate from Love

I am a cultic worshipper in my exclusive ego cult of one.

I imprison others by my withdrawal from Love

I condemn others to the dungeons of my lovelessness

I betray Life by my withdrawal from Love.

My collapse and withdrawal from Love is sickening and starves all my relations.

I use these conditions to justify my accusations of betrayal.

I use other’s failure to love me to justify my own failure.

I betray Love and blame others for it

I reject love, then dramatize betrayal.

I make others wrong

I impose my agenda

I am a recovering ego addict because I notice the obvious Beauty and Love at the Heart of Existence and the way in which I obstruct it.

I am not separate from Life and Love

I am free to be in alignment with Life and Love or not.

I am responsible for the consequences of my alignment or non alignment with Life and Love.

I use my non alignment with Life and Love as an excuse and reason for self pity

I am inherently, already unified with what is always already the Case: seamless unity between consciousness and matter, God and self, whole and part.

I am recovering from self pity and the willingness to tolerate lovelessness in myself

I am a whirlpool in a River of Light

I am a recovering ego addict.

I am responsible For and To Love.

I maintain Heartfelt Intimacy with the Truth of Love, the Core of Reality.

I do not withdraw from my Actual Condition as a Whirlpool in this River.

I trust the White-Hot Core of Existence.

I trust Life’s Brilliance.

I am thrilled by the Intensity and Freedom and Love of Life

Life flows from Love, the Condition of all things

I am Always Already one with Life

Life is Love, I am That

Life is Love

Love is Truth

Truth is God

God is Reality

 

Reality is Light

Light is Love

 

I Love Life

I am responsible for Love

I am responsible to Love

My revulsion at my failure to love is the beginning of awakening

My responsibility for Love is authentic spiritual practice.

I am responsible for my choice of contexts, concepts, and conclusions, including their effects, outcomes and consequences.

I am free to love and to be what I already am, or not

I am responsible for everything I think, say, and do and their effect, implication, and consequence are my responsibility

I am responsible for the suffering I create.

 

I am intrinsically intimate with all beings.

 

I am a recovering ego addict

 

 

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