Confessions of an Egoholic

 by Robert Cinque


From shock and fear, I dramatize betrayal, abandonment, and worthlessness

I collapse from love and create suffering through self pity and blame

I blame others and transfer ownership of myself to them.

I create scapegoats and false gods in my rage.

I destroy Love and betray it and accuse others of betraying me

I create doubt and fear.  When I fear I want security.  When I want security, I empower false gods, tyrants, experts, strategies, and substances to save me.

I am a fundamentalist, a fascist, and a tyrant in an ego cult of one.

I enslave others in my hellish condition of dread

I abuse others with my self pity

I dramatize abandonment and rejection and self pity and fuel all my other lesser addictions with it.

I harm myself and others with my addiction to a false self, an idea, a victim/robot who imagines itself to be separate from Love

I am a cultic worshipper in my exclusive ego cult of one.

I imprison others by my withdrawal from Love

I condemn others to the dungeons of my lovelessness

I betray Life by my withdrawal from Love.

My collapse and withdrawal from Love is sickening and starves all my relations.

I use these conditions to justify my accusations of betrayal.

I use other’s failure to love me to justify my own failure.

I betray Love and blame others for it

I reject love, then dramatize betrayal.

I make others wrong

I impose my agenda

I am a recovering ego addict because I notice the obvious Beauty and Love at the Heart of Existence and the way in which I obstruct it.

I am not separate from Life and Love

I am free to be in alignment with Life and Love or not.

I am responsible for the consequences of my alignment or non alignment with Life and Love.

I use my non alignment with Life and Love as an excuse and reason for self pity

I am inherently, already unified with what is always already the Case: seamless unity between consciousness and matter, God and self, whole and part.

I am recovering from self pity and the willingness to tolerate lovelessness in myself

I am a whirlpool in a River of Light

I am a recovering ego addict.

I am responsible For and To Love.

I maintain Heartfelt Intimacy with the Truth of Love, the Core of Reality.

I do not withdraw from my Actual Condition as a Whirlpool in this River.

I trust the White-Hot Core of Existence.

I trust Life’s Brilliance.

I am thrilled by the Intensity and Freedom and Love of Life

Life flows from Love, the Condition of all things

I am Always Already one with Life

Life is Love, I am That

Life is Love

Love is Truth

Truth is God

God is Reality


Reality is Light

Light is Love


I Love Life

I am responsible for Love

I am responsible to Love

My revulsion at my failure to love is the beginning of awakening

My responsibility for Love is authentic spiritual practice.

I am responsible for my choice of contexts, concepts, and conclusions, including their effects, outcomes and consequences.

I am free to love and to be what I already am, or not

I am responsible for everything I think, say, and do and their effect, implication, and consequence are my responsibility

I am responsible for the suffering I create.


I am intrinsically intimate with all beings.


I am a recovering ego addict



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The Purpose of Addiction and the Secret of How to Change

Addictions are needs in drag, unfulfilled, legitimate longings that require a temporary stand-in.

If you break a leg, you use a crutch until you are healed. In the addict’s case, the leg never heals and the crutch is needed in order for him to function. If you remove his crutch in an attempt to help him, he falls down because his leg is still broken. Now he has a broken leg and no crutch. Now what? This is what is called white-knuckle recovery, in which the individual has forcibly removed the addictive program or substance and now has neither the leg nor the crutch.

Now what, indeed.

If addictions are substitutes for what is truly needed, then What is it that is most needed, exactly?

If I address my spiritual, emotional, mental or physical needs first, won’t I have a better chance of dealing with my addiction effectively?


If I accept responsibility for meeting my needs (an act of love), then surely I will find a way that is life-giving and not just more broken legs and crutches. In being responsible for my state, and to it, I gain power and choice and my freedom is restored.

Therefore, the best way to overcome addiction is to own it. I created it, I can un-create it.

However, I ain’t gonna do it if I have to both live without my needs being met PLUS having no crutch.

If my leg heals, I forget about the crutch. I don’t have to go to AA or work on the so-called addiction, the “problem” of “having a crutch.”

It disappears on its own.

This is the Secret Of How To Change. Don’t throw your crutch away and call that “recovery.” Fix the broken leg. Do what is most life-giving, more pleasurable and fulfilling than the crutch. Who would not rather have two good legs over a crutch? No one. When the needs are met, the crutch is unnecessary. But not until.

I like crutches when they are needed. I broke my ankle recently and managed to work and survive because of my crutch. I do not condemn or criticize crutches. They’re necessary.

I criticize stupidity.  Especially my own. I kid you not: There have been times in my life when I have actually chosen crutches over two good legs. What an idiot.

Here’s the biggest idiocy of all, the King Kong of all addictions, the very one which fuels all the rest. It is the most vile, the worst, degraded horror of them all:

The Cult and Empire of the Counterfeit Self.

The one who imagines himself to be “abandoned and rejected by Life.”

The Perpetual Victim, Tyrant, and Vampire.

He can’t get any Juice from Life, so he steals it from you. He cut himself off, now you’re gonna pay. Marooned on an Island of Flesh, he’s a cornered rat. God abandoned him, he feels worthless, and is hungry for pleasure, satisfaction, and distraction from the Dungeon of Horrors.

What do you expect? Roses? Cutting yourself off from Life and Love is the absolutely worst thing you can possibly do, worse than putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger. It’s worse because you die a slow, agonizing, miserable, horrible, tortured death. You bring everything and everyone down with you. Your lovelessness contaminates everything.

Instead of being open to the blissful Current of Life Energy,  you feel sorry for yourself because you’re so “worthless” and “unlovable.” You don’t radiate love and happiness, you stink. Plus, it’s everybody else’s fault. You’re a victim. You don’t have to take responsibility for yourself. That’s what’s so great about victimhood. You get to blame others, Gods, and substances for your state and fate. What could be better?

People ooze down into this shithole on a regular basis, then wonder why they like heroin so much. Or fame. Or materialism. Or power.

These are distractions, consolations in the midst of suffering.

Undo the suffering, distractions are no longer needed.

Authentic, complete, permanent recovery from all addictions is possible only when  we take full responsibility, as an act of love, for owning, honoring and meeting our spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. Those needs include the ability to love, and to be love, under all conditions.  We also need emotional openness, freedom, happiness, purpose, mission, destiny, excitement and pleasure. These are not mere ideas and there are no real, permanent substitutes for them any more than a crutch is an actual substitute for a leg.

Find out for yourself.

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I Am, therefore, I Love

Descartes had it backwards. He did not go nearly deep enough with his “I think, therefore, I am.

I am, therefore, I think.

Existence, the Essence, the very Center of Life, whatever or wherever That is altogether, precedes Its’ appearance.

I Exist. I Am because Life is. If Life is Light and Light is Love, then I am Love.


Consider this: whatever Life is, It’s Great. Just make friends with it emotionally and don’t complain about uncertainty because it’s a lot worse than you think. Not only is Life gloriously uncertain and unpredictable, it’s also unknowable. We literally do not know what a single thing actually is. We’ve  got names and descriptions, but what IS that lunchbox, really?

How did it come to be and why does it exist at all and who or what made the atoms in it, anyway? And, where is it? The universe, you say? What’s that?

No matter what answers I give or don’t give, Existence was here before I asked the question. Therefore, I exist in a state of ignorance, unknowableness. This is because every question I ask, every inquiry I make is an action that comes after Existence, is now a part of it, so how can I be a knower of it?

Can I see my own eyes? No, I need a mirror.

In my opinion, the universe is the mirror that the Living Wonder of Love and Imagination, the very One Who beats in the heart of every single organism, uses to see Itself.

Life is a Verb, we are the Noun. Together we make a Sentence: I Am Life manifested in and as a Luscious Rainforest of Body and World.

What’s the problem with that? What’s wrong with that?

Who am I or you to stick that into some bullshit idea about the Fall of Man? I’ll tell you what the real “fall of man” is:  imagining that heaven is entered only when we die. That love and happiness are available without limit only after death, our reward for being good or “saved by the blood” of an innocent lamb. The reality is, heaven is entered at the death of this belief in a falsely imagined, separated, emotionally withdrawn, divided, bewildered, conflicted, psychotic self who concocts the idea of separateness on the basis of exactly no evidence whatsoever.

Heaven is the Present Condition of Reality already. 

Ignoring or rejecting this is the actual Fall of Man.

I repent from this sin, this crime against Nature, God, and You.


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Spiritual Consumerism, Emotional Withdrawal, and the Death of Love

Life is Light. Light is what Exists. Matter is Light in nuclear bonds. Everything is made from Conscious Living Radiant Light.

This is our Situation.

Piled on top of This, is a stinking mountain of shit that the thieves, whores, and pimps from the Babylonian/Rothschild/Zionist/Globalist/Military/Medical/Industrial Complex have dumped on a gullible, naive, and childish humanity. Through sophisticated psy-ops like Original Sin and 911, the globalist crime syndicate has created a narrative that says we are under threat by ruthless enemies and must destroy them at any cost. While I agree that ruthless enemies exist and must be stopped, I do not agree that humanity’s enemy is each other. Human beings are capable of living in peace and tolerating differences. The real enemies of humanity are the ones who manufacture unsolvable conflicts and use them as  weapons to divide and conquer us. And now, not only are they manipulating humanity into a nuclear war with North Korea, they are doing so by hacking in to our hardware, the human operating systems that conduct the Current of Light and Love, by installing viruses (false narratives) that are toxic, painful, and fatal.

As terrible as this is, the fact that we have allowed it is much, much worse. Are we obligated to give up our humanity for any reason whatsoever?


Are we children who obey their parents, right or wrong? Are we slaves to lifeless conceptual frameworks, ideas, and beliefs?


That’s why it’s profoundly important to recognize the deeply poisonous swamp we have wandered into and to understand that this is not how it has to be. The world is built on ideas. Psychotic, divisive, baseless ideas. These become social memes and they direct the social body of humanity just as surely as genes direct our personal bodies.

This is why 2 seconds after the planes hit the Towers,  sub-human androids and stooges of the lamestream media were telling us that radical Islamic extremists were to blame.

If you believe that, you might also consider buying ocean front property in Denver.

The world situation is so critical,  nothing less than the immediate, worldwide awakening of the Human Giant will suffice to end the crisis.

What does it take to wake up? When the sun streams through your window in the morning, it wakes you up. IT wakes YOU up. You do not just wake up, you are awakened. Even if the curtains are drawn, you will still wake up because  Life cycles between the waking. sleeping, and dreaming states. My point is that awakening is a fundamental aspect of Life. The Sun is always streaming through your Window. The reason it seems to be taking so long for humanity to come alive and get out of bed and seize the reins is because we have been poisoned, anesthetized, starved, beaten, and thrown under the bus.

This is why the planetary situation must be extreme. Life is slapping our face and shoving ammonia under our nose and hooking up electrodes to our heart. We are comatose. We are unconscious. We are unresponsive. Life HAS to throw rocks at us and get us to pay attention.

The crazies are getting ready to nuke North Korea. That’s a big rock.

“That which is unowned and remains hidden, shows up as Fate and Circumstance”      Carl Jung

Spiritual consumerism, emotional withdrawal, and the death of love are all CONSEQUENCES of believing a false, impossible narrative. Change the narrative, change the world.

Garbage in, Garbage Out.

Truth In, Truth Out.

Life In, Love Out.

“The way to enlightenment is to stop believing lies.”                                                               Jim Humble

“Enlightenment is a destructive process in which everything that is not true is crumbled away,”                                                                                                                                   Adyashanti

“Enlightenment is perfect non-obstruction.”                                                                               Adi Da

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The Tyranny of Spiritual Childhood

Children need parents.

Adolescents need rebellion.

Adults need self ownership.

If humanity were a person, I figure we’re around 11 years old. Loitering between childhood and adulthood, we are restless and bored, extremely suspicious and resentful of all things authoritarian. As a global adolescent, we have, in spite of being electro-shocked, traumatized, anesthetized, trivialized,  hypnotized,  dominated, vaccinated, and legislated to death, managed to somehow still survive. For this, we are to be commended.

However, in order to get to where we’re going, full adulthood, we must develop these Abilities:

1 Eat the Apple, defy authoritarianism, and move completely out of your parents’ house

2 Take responsibility for the assumptions driving your conclusions. You chose them, they are your property, your responsibility. You can’t create a belief system and then ignore the fact that you created it. The criteria you use to make your decisions are personal choices, not merely inherited habits or customs. Take responsibility for what you think, why you think it, and how it manifests in your life and the larger world.

3 Understand that taking risks is dangerous and that not taking risks is even more dangerous.  “How It Is”, handed down from on high by mommydaddy, the state, the church, the schools, just ain’t necessarily so. Those days are over. You gotta figure things out for yourself,  from the ground up. You have to determine what is fundamentally true, not just take it secondhand from the authorities. Maybe the authorities are wrong. If you just blindly believe them, what then? Is what they say the truth? Or is it just a belief about the truth? Find out.

4 Adults are in the difficult and uncomfortable position of being required to make sense of Life in all its absurdities and contradictions. We are expected to show up and pay attention to a mysterious existence that is ultimately unknowable, unfathomable, infinite, incomprehensible, and paradoxical. What is born, dies. Now what? What is my relationship to this mystery?

5 The relationship we as individuals form or do not form with the profoundly mysterious source and presence of life determines our experience in exactly the same way an electrical switch allows or prevents the flow of electrons through a wire. It is an on/off situation. If your switch is on, you conduct the infinite forces of the universe. If it is off, the forces still conduct themselves through you, but only through the default mechanisms available to it. Your cells still divide, your heart still beats, but the Life Current is on automatic pilot, waiting for you to notice that you are Alive as the Current Itself, not just the body/mind/world it animates and illuminates. You are the Aliveness Itself, not just the objects of Its’ awareness. This realization creates the opportunity for full conductivity of the Life Current and is available to every human being without exception or limit.

These 5 Abilities enable the logistics and structures of Life to become available to the individual. Yogic powers of invisibility or levitation, for instance, so-called miracles of all kinds, are tiny examples of what happens when Imagination, the Life Presence of Love and Radiance, is uncorked. Imagine the world we could create if love was actually present and available in our decisions.

For millions of years, humanity has been stuck in the gears, the  badlands between childhood and adulthood. No real adult would tolerate for one second the abuse and domination we as a race endure on a daily basis. Adults don’t create or allow violence and abuse. That’s what makes us adults, the ability to love and protect what is precious.

Authentic human life is about love and happiness and the responsibility to prevent and remove the obstacles that constantly appear.  It’s not enough to want to be loved. We have to be willing to show up as love, under all conditions, whether we are loved or not. That’s because we ARE love itself and don’t need anyone to love us for that fact to be true. It is always true, no matter what happens or does not happen.

The real revolution is in realizing and in identifying with fundamental truth. I’m not talking about”your truth” or “mine”, I’m talking about that which is true under all circumstances, all conditions, all points in space and time.

I don’t know what the ultimate truth is. All I know is that, whatever it is, everything is made from it.  How could it be otherwise? How could whatever originated Existence be somehow separate from it? Are you separate from yourself? No, you ARE yourself, whatever that is altogether. Same with Cosmic Life. It is Itself, undivided, not separate from itself, whole, singular, coherent. Just like you. Your apparent fragmentation and dividedness is still part of a greater whole. That’s because that which observes the fragmentation or whatever, is larger than it and exists prior to it.

Consciousness, your true nature, showing up as the fragmented individual in a chaotic world of division and strife, rooted in a gloriously beautiful Garden of Eden, is the ultimate paradox and conundrum of human being.

Our Great opportunity is to Cultivate the Garden of our Body and the World, to Dig the Soil, and Passionately Participate in Life as mature Emanations of the Beloved.

We are Radiant Appearances and Disappearances of the Wonder and Mystery of Light and Love, not orphans, not refugees, not victims, doormats, shithooks, punching bags, or slaves.

It’s time we started acting like it. Discard the Tyranny of Spiritual Childhood and enter the Domain of the Truly Adult Heart, our deepest and truest nature. Then, the world will reflect That and not the bankrupt, debt ridden, impoverished, default androids called “you” and “me”.










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No Problem

Life is not a problem. Making it into one, is.

Assuming an inherent flaw in Life, in oneself, in humanity, is nothing but speculation, hearsay, rumor, conjecture, theory, belief,  superstition, and fantasy.

When these nothings become dogmas and entire societies and institutions grow up around them, the world becomes a reflection, a casualty of toxic ideas that have no basis in Reality Itself.

Our world.

Imagine a world where individuals understood themselves to be whole systems, superpalpalistic visceralisms, neuroballistic tactilegasms of infinite proportions. They recognized themselves and each other as staggeringly beutiful uniquities of fabulous Wonder and Depth.

Instead of concocting fish tales, extremely questionable ideas about the Fall of Man and expulsion from the Garden as ways of explaining the madness all around us, we would simply recognize the Obvious, the Apparent, the Glorious Presence of Life. Plastering knucklehead ideas all over It wouldn’t even occur to us. We would be too busy Kissing each “other” and amusing ourselves with creative adventures and inventions.

Building bombs to kill the “enemy” would not occur to anyone. What’s an enemy?

The fact that we live in a world of toxic ideas is so painfully evident, it boggles the mind.

What’s even more astonishing is that we believe the shit that we are fed by the monsters of our own creation, the bastard children of our own default on ourselves.

Every society gets the government it deserves.

Enthusiastic, happy, sane individuals who are willing to love and participate in the Immanence, the Appearance of Wonder could not, would not, live in a world like ours.

That’s because their world is based on Truth.  Our world is based on lies.

Our sub-human world of ego madness, religious psychosis, and materialistic science is based on the lie of separation from Love, Radiance, the Truth of Life. When we swallow this lie, we become spiritually autistic androids, machines of the church and state, fascists, fundamentalists, and tyrants. The lie assumes separation from God, and creates a false self, the so-called ego. But this is just an idea, a belief. It’s a false belief, but one with very deadly consequences: every ego becomes a demon of addiction of the worst kind.

It is based on a falsehood, a distortion of the actual Condition, a confusion between my reflection and what I actually am.

The demon is a parasite, a vampire, an energy thief because he has no Energy Source of his own. He separated himself from It by believing the Lie.

This is the real Fall of Man.

We didn’t inherit it. We created it.

We created it through default on ourselves and our Actual Condition at Infinity. Emotional and spiritual withdrawal from Love creates ego hell and the world as it is today. Don’t blame the government or the church or the state. We put the noose around our neck and into their hands.

Everyone knows what the Utimate Condition is. Everyone knows exactly what it is to Love and to be Happy. Everyone knows what Love is. It does not have to be learned or taught. It is That out of Which everything is created, the Starry Mystery and Radiant Wonder of Existence Itself.

It may be buried under centuries and mountains of spiritual garbage but It’s still there, still waiting for us to Notice It and come Alive.

This is the only effective revolution on Earth because only it addresses the actual, self created problem: the false assumption of a problem, of a non-existent separation, and the frankenstein monster it creates.

The Free Individual stands before and prior to the extremely dubious ego-creating assumption of separation from Life and Love. He does not chronically dramatize problem/rescue scenarios.  He stays present as attention and energy and love to whatever difficulty he may face. He doesn’t play victim, he’s a volunteer, a participant. He is emotionally and energetically present naturally, easily, a consequence of his open-hearted ability to conduct the Force of Life.

We spiritually constipated and bankrupt egoholics, on the other hand, are so busy patching holes in our leaky rowboats, we can’t pay attention to the Real streaming into our hearts, dividing our cells, inviting us into the Ecstatic Water. We’re so busy cramming our beliefs down other people’s throats (and avoiding theirs) that the Glorious Spectacle goes unnoticed.

I am painfully amused by modern doctors of the soul who prescribe remedies for our spiritual ailments in the lotions and potions of remedial strategies. We are told we must meditate more and find inner peace.  We should be positive and grateful, as counterweights to our fallen state.

To me, this is like using bandaids for someone who went through a meat grinder. I’ve got nothing against bandaids or meditation, it’s just not gonna cut it when it comes to solving the non-problem.

If you have your head up your ass, should you buy flashlights?

If you believe lies, should you dabble in counter-measures?

You can’t be a little bit pregnant. You’re either divine or not. You get to decide. You get to enjoy or suffer the consequences. When we embrace the obvious and stop defaulting on ourselves, things will change.

That’s love and freedom. That’s our Situation.





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Salvation Theology, Armageddon, and You


In the Book of Genesis, God gives Abraham the land from the Tigris River to the Euphrates.

Zionism is the political implementation of this biblical verse. Abraham’s descendants, the Jewish people, have exclusive title to this land. Anyone living there is trespassing.

The core principle of Zionism is exclusive favor with God. The Gentiles exist only to serve the Zionists, and are genetically inferior.

Therefore, Zionism is racism. It also leads directly to Armageddon.  The Chosen People have claimed exclusive domain over the entire planet. That’s where you and I come in.

We are David. It is Goliath.

Since God kicked our parents out of the Garden of Eden, a Plan of Salvation had to be devised. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, they committed Original Sin, passed it to their children, and handed dominion over the world to Satan.  A perfect Sacrifice had to be offered, a perfect Son had to be born to save the world, the Messiah.

In order for the Messiah to appear, Armageddon must explode and purify the world by fire. The Zionists have taken it upon themselves to do the exploding and the burning.

911 is one example. The invasion of Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Lebanon, Syria, and Yemen, are others.

The positioning of Jared Kushner in the White House is another.

Kushner is the Rothschild Israeli Mossad agent in Trumpland. He is a dedicated Zionist and a member of the extremely radical sect, the Chabad Lubavitch, which sees nuclear war as the next Holocaust needed to usher in the Messiah. They lobby Christian fundamentalists who eat it up like kids with ice cream cones.

Donald Trump credits his daughter, Jared Kushner’s wife Ivanka, with convincing him to bomb Syria.

Are you still wondering if salvation theology has anything to do with you?

If you get the queasy feeling that something is just not right about this salvation theology thing, you’re not alone. I have been having the screamy jeezies about this for years but now, with Jared Kushner whispering in the Man-Who-Used-To-Be-The-President’s ear, I am really spooked.

Salvation theology is based on a premise COMPLETELY ABSENT of evidence. There is no proof whatsoever that we have been kicked out of the Garden, in fact, quite the opposite is evident. The Book of Genesis and the claims the Zionists make for themselves, are hearsay, rumor, wishful thinking, and conjecture.  Anyone can say such things, it doesn’t make them true.

Where’s the proof?

If you ask this question, you are considered to be without “faith” and should look to Abraham. Follow his example: be willing to commit murder to prove your obedience.

Be willing to sacrifice your rational mind and become a true believer. Then, God will reward you.

The Gnostics, who were slaughtered in the first century by mobs of Christians and Jews, spoke out against this. They said to forget salvation theology and realize that your own Body and the Body of the World is the Garden. Cultivate it. Pull the weeds. Enjoy the fruits of your labor. Be happy, don’t withdraw, don’t collapse from the Condition of Love and Freedom, don’t imagine yourself to be a thing, an ego, a separate self. Don’t go down the road of Salvation theology because it leads to Armageddon. Why blow up the Garden for a false premise without evidence?

The real Fall of Man is believing the Lie of Separation. The way back to the Garden is the shocking Realization that you ARE the Garden.

The Garden of Eden is the Kingdom of Heaven, is the Nature of Reality, is the Quantum Space/Time Field. It’s always been this way, it doesn’t have to be prayed for or brought into existence.

It IS Existence.

It Flows. It Shines. It Beats. It’s Alive. Now, not later, now.

This is the truth that outshines Zionism and all ego based psychosis. Psychosis is division, when the parts don’t realize they’re members of a singular organism. Zionism assumes a division in the Parts of God and lays claim to an exclusive status. The proof? Their Holy Book. Who wrote that Book? They did. This is called Circular Reasoning.

Make a claim, use it as proof.

There are invisible gnomes in my back yard. The proof? I can’t see them.

God said the land belongs to Abraham. The proof? It’s in the Book that we wrote.

This is the mentality that is directing the foreign policy of the United States. Our only hope is to see Life as it truly is, not as we say it is. Talk is cheap. Reality is not.

We are free to believe whatever we want. Unfortunately, we are not free from the consequences and implications of those beliefs. If we as a species do not get a handle on the psychotic narrative that has infected this world, it’s gonna Armageddon our individual and Planetary Garden to smithereens.

Find your Inner Know.










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